ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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