there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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