My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.