the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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