So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So much puke
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped