Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable