I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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