and you said cock pushups were impossible
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
