The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
