Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
