So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
