Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
