it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
