i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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