Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My liver just broke up with me...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
