My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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