i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
