She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
