The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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