So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
