i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize