Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
