yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
