And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
