I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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