Cold hands, warm shart.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
