Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
