Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
