It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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