if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
