at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
