No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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