It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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