It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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