Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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