If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
