remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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