I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
