How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
