In America we eat man semen.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
