Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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