You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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