I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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