If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
