I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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