i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
