She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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