I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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