And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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