I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
