I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.