i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
