i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
