just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule