Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that