Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
