Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

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  (516): Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits. http://tfl.nu/o0ux
  Replies (86) Good night (1362) Bad night (2759)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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  (202): i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society http://tfl.nu/5vfp
  Replies (55) Good night (1079) Bad night (4104)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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  (813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj
  Replies (71) Good night (12870) Bad night (1366)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (7507) Bad night (990)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.

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  (847): Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals. http://tfl.nu/x5r2
  Replies (20) Good night (1176) Bad night (5613)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis

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  (267): I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis http://tfl.nu/zmb9
  Replies (21) Good night (1152) Bad night (3655)
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  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (4253) Bad night (1213)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.

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  (651): Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown. http://tfl.nu/eqha
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (434)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?

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  (870): Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk? http://tfl.nu/4pki
  Replies (9) Good night (749) Bad night (1203)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color

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  (407): How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color http://tfl.nu/2fci
  Replies (26) Good night (754) Bad night (2262)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.

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  (248): BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night. http://tfl.nu/rm2n
  Replies (2) Good night (832) Bad night (727)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.

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  (918): My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo. http://tfl.nu/6dok
  Replies (3) Good night (1030) Bad night (454)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.

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  (703): I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat. http://tfl.nu/wce9
  Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (474)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol

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  (317): did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen? (1-317): All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol http://tfl.nu/15ix
  Replies (1) Good night (1020) Bad night (304)
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  (714): View more from California

  I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now

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  (714): I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now http://tfl.nu/hn9l
  Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (142)

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