Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.