My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
