That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
