You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
organizing the empties. That sober.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
