You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
