College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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