I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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