is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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