you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
