after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize