I want to make a zoo with you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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