SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
