glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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