I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
