I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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