is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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