I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
