I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
