I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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