Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
