the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
