I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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