WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this will be a night to untag.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
