I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
