This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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