i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
