Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
