I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
