get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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