what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
