Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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